Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can't talk, ducks in the car
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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