First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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