Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
