If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
