I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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