I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
