remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
