She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't think brook has ever known best
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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