I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
