I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
