Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do herpes really smell.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
