they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize