I look better un-naked...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize