May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
