did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
