You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
