just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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