Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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