my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
