Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just blew my weed a kiss
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
