what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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