I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
