i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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