just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
