I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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