I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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