I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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