I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
