Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish you could order shots online.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
