I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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