it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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