Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
vagina is talking i cant
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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