I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
