I skipped work to stalk him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
