Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
