i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
