what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
