Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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