i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
