ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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