At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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