dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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