i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
