How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
