Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
