Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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