Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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