um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
