Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
