I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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