puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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