So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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