I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
