Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
