By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
