I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
