If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
