I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
