My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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