i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
