He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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