THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
