Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
