You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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